she chased, he mocked, they fell in love—and i’m tired

why i no longer root for female leads who pursue emotionally stunted men like it's a charity project.

There was a time—maybe when I was fifteen and still under the influence of Boys Over Flowers—when I believed the chase was cute. That if a girl liked a boy and refused to give up, it meant she had courage. Commitment. A heart worth rooting for.

But somewhere along the way—maybe after the third or fourth drama where the male lead sneered, “Why are you so obsessed with me?”—I started to flinch.

I just finished The Incurable Case of Love,

a Japanese TV series where a bright-eyed female nurse falls head-over-heels for a stoic, emotionally unavailable doctor and spends years trying to win his heart. He mocks her. Dismisses her. Calls her annoying. (“Dimwit” as the English translation says) She keeps chasing. He keeps negating. Until someone else starts falling in love with her, just for him to see what he was missing out on. And at the end—surprise—he “realizes” he loved her all along.

And all I could think was:
How is this romantic?

How is this not a how-to guide for women on settling?

I’m tired of this trope. The “good girl falls for broken bad boy” narrative that insists love is strongest when it's unreciprocated at first, when it hurts before it heals, when it demands you shrink yourself into something easier to swallow before you’re deemed worthy of love.

Because what are we actually romanticizing here?

• A man who can’t communicate his feelings until episode 9. (and mind you the series is just 10 episodes long)

• A woman who makes excuses for his coldness, because “he’s been through a lot.”

• A love that only becomes tender after she’s proven herself through years of emotional labor.

But let’s be honest. If the genders were reversed—a man chasing a woman who repeatedly called him annoying and beneath her—we’d call it obsession. We'd call it harassment.

When it’s a woman, we call it loyalty.

There’s something so insidious about how these stories reward women not for having self-worth, but for having stamina. Not for being emotionally safe, but for being unshakably devoted. We’re trained to believe that if he mocks you, if he belittles you, if he acts like you're an inconvenience—he’s just hiding his feelings.

Because god forbid a man just say what he feels without cruelty first.

The “bad boy doesn’t think he deserves love, but is saved by a good girl” trope sounds poetic in theory. But in practice? It becomes this exhausting loop where the woman is the emotional sponge, the teacher, the therapist, the doormat—and still expected to be radiant, smiling, and always understanding.

She loves him through it. He thanks her by… what?
Finally holding her hand?

I know it’s fiction. I know it’s just a TV show. But fiction shapes how we think about love. And somewhere, quietly, a generation of women absorbed the idea that the best relationships start with being belittled.

That love is something you earn through endurance.

That if he pushes you away, it means he secretly wants you closer.

That being “chosen” after emotional starvation is romantic. It’s not. It’s a survival tactic dressed in slow-burn aesthetics.

Here’s what I want instead:

• Give me the story where she walks away the first time he calls her clingy.

• Give me the story where her self-respect is the plot twist.

• Give me the male lead who doesn’t need to be dragged into love by a woman who treats him better than he thinks he deserves.

• Give me softness from the start. Mutual awkwardness. Quiet respect. Real listening. Not these weird emotional gladiator games.

Let the woman be the one who’s chased because she’s whole, not because she has to audition for affection.

Let love be easeful, not a prize at the end of emotional endurance.

We’re trained to see this as strength. That her persistence is noble. That the harder he is to love, the more “earned” the reward is when he finally gives in.

Honorable Mentions (aka more red flags in disguise):

• Kimi ni Todoke: Yes, it’s sweet. But even here, Sawako has to fight to be seen. Her kindness is a curse until it’s not. She’s treated like a ghost until the male lead finally notices her existence.

• Coffee & Vanilla: Pretty girl, older man. Manipulative dynamics dressed as mature romance. The power imbalance is not as sexy as it thinks it is.

• My ID is Gangnam Beauty: A bit better, but still dips into “he likes her because she’s different” instead of simply... appreciating her as she is, no labels needed.

• A Walk to Remember: Classic trope. She changes him. He’s better because of her. She’s soft and perfect and dies in the end—what more could a man want?

• Rory and Jess from Gilmore Girls. He’s rude. Dismissive. Hot, sure. But their chemistry is built on her being intrigued and him being unavailable.

• Chuck and Blair in Gossip Girl—where emotional abuse is painted as some tragic form of epic romance.

• 10 Things I Hate About You and She's All That—where the love interest begins as a bet or mockery and is “saved” by the girl who stays.

Here’s what I want instead:

• Give me the story where she walks away the first time he calls her clingy.

• Give me the story where her self-worth is the climax.

• Give me the male lead who doesn’t need to be dragged into love by a woman treating him better than he’s ever treated himself.

Let love be mutual from the start. Let it be gentle. Awkward. Quietly electric. Let it look like two people choosing each other, not one proving herself worthy of being chosen.

I don’t want to watch another girl fall for a man who only learns how to treat her right after he’s mocked her, belittled her, ignored her, and put her through the emotional shredder. I’m not rooting for his redemption arc.

I’m rooting for her self-preservation.

So no. I don’t find it cute when the emotionally constipated man finally caves and says, “I guess I love you too.” Not when she had to beg for crumbs.

In 2025, I want better tropes. Better men. Better love stories.

No more incurable cases of love. Give me the ones that know how to communicate.

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