this??? this was a personal attack but wrapped in silk. like yes i’m terrified of love and yes i romanticize everything just to avoid actually wanting it but did you have to say it like that?? it’s insane how you take the mess and make it sound like it was meant to exist all along.
this felt like being exposed and comforted in the same breath. like you climbed into my head, found the fear hiding under the romance, and just… wrote it down. this wasn’t just relatable—it was too real. painfully, hilariously, softly real. i’ll be thinking about this forever.
Guys..... Maybe we should drop the," maybe knowing me more leads to loving me less." Quote. That's the biggest lie the internet has told us. But wanna hear the truth? "Knowing me more leads to loving me more." So let people in. Let people know you. Let people misunderstand you and then? Let them love you. (Sounds so cliche but live by this)
Very well said! Granted, I'm not a "hot girl", I'm a 44 year old straight man that has struggled with that internal fault line of BPD. My struggle is different, yet echoes many of the same themes. Boundaries to protect against betrayal, walls to hold the world at bay, and an aching emptiness where I stand with no one to talk to. The irony of how crowded this lonely road is, right? Lol. Anyway, just wanted to say I appreciated your work and enjoyed reading it. As someone that long since grew frustrated with the insincerity of modern commitments, it's refreshing to know that the entirety of this world isn't as shallow as it appears. I just joined this medium (Substack) so I don't have nearly as much to read, but you're welcome to check it out; I've already subscribed to your blog and look forward to reading more.
wow well said, it happens little by little and then boom a thing we despised has become a „quirk” and talking seriously about it is equal to „jeez don’t be so serious”. oh and on a different note i have to say your posts are silently exuding carries sex and the city blog :P that’s a big compliment !
this is actually something i’ve been dealing with lately, since an old friend that parted ways with me in november has now returned to my life. for the past two
weeks i have been fighting the urge to block him, even though he took accountability and apologized, the pain & time of what occurred still stays. i have to continue to fight the urge to run, to be non chalant, to ignore, to focus on myself bc i had finally gotten to a comfortable place and he showed up unexpected. this article came into my orbit at such a perfect time, i was literally on tiktok before this watching the same content mentioned. its so much easier to
shut out the world, and to some its a coping mechanism that they will regret later, me included, but sometimes it can be what we need to heal from what we are running from, so that we are open to the possibility of commitment in the future. this friend, i like him, a lot. he sees me, without even being aware of it. there are pieces of me i am unable to share with anyone else that just clicks with him. but when i like someone, it becomes a part of me. they take up too much space, but i am learning how to sit comfortably in this space with them. thank you for this article 💖
This hits the spot. I know that I have anxious attachment but I'm working on it. And if I'm being honest I'm not afraid to say that "I am the girl who stays" who wears her heart on her sleeves, who is not afraid to vulnerable, who wants sit with you in the storms and the trenches. When someone means to you a lot it's natural that you do your best to make them stay when they hesitate. These are exact kind of people I've come across who say the exact things and I have no choice but let them do whatever they want. It hurts for sure but you can't force yourself on someone. People say that "I'm too good or too nice" as if it's a flaw and they want to make me like them who doesn't care, who will just reply, who will ghost you but will be around for you to not notice. Thank you for writing this.
Well being in an relationship with emotionally detached people sometimes drains you. Because they don't even consider we are in a relationship. They will be sweet and get all the info bcoz you are test specimen which ignited the curiosity. And when it gets converted into a relationship there comes the pause and your vulnerability will be tested and they drop you dead. I'm not sure if it's a narcissist or emotionally detached. But all we got now are terms to label this emotional tragedy that becomes a life long trauma. Yeah it is what it is. Unless and until they are surrounded by enablers who hype it as a cool one or let it slide, these people exist.
this??? this was a personal attack but wrapped in silk. like yes i’m terrified of love and yes i romanticize everything just to avoid actually wanting it but did you have to say it like that?? it’s insane how you take the mess and make it sound like it was meant to exist all along.
this felt like being exposed and comforted in the same breath. like you climbed into my head, found the fear hiding under the romance, and just… wrote it down. this wasn’t just relatable—it was too real. painfully, hilariously, softly real. i’ll be thinking about this forever.
Guys..... Maybe we should drop the," maybe knowing me more leads to loving me less." Quote. That's the biggest lie the internet has told us. But wanna hear the truth? "Knowing me more leads to loving me more." So let people in. Let people know you. Let people misunderstand you and then? Let them love you. (Sounds so cliche but live by this)
Im scared of attachment because im scared they'll see my secrets and leave me, so I leave before they do. Yup. Never have I ever felt truly seen.
Very well said! Granted, I'm not a "hot girl", I'm a 44 year old straight man that has struggled with that internal fault line of BPD. My struggle is different, yet echoes many of the same themes. Boundaries to protect against betrayal, walls to hold the world at bay, and an aching emptiness where I stand with no one to talk to. The irony of how crowded this lonely road is, right? Lol. Anyway, just wanted to say I appreciated your work and enjoyed reading it. As someone that long since grew frustrated with the insincerity of modern commitments, it's refreshing to know that the entirety of this world isn't as shallow as it appears. I just joined this medium (Substack) so I don't have nearly as much to read, but you're welcome to check it out; I've already subscribed to your blog and look forward to reading more.
Btw what is a Restack? Like I said, new here lol.
restack is similar to retweet. or reshare.
Oh my goodness, girl this attack feels so personal yet needed.
My personal thoughts on the topic-
I’d like to note that I’m not a woman..
And note that, really, it’s not limited to heterosexual relationships-
And that people don’t really fit into boxes, we are each our own..in a sense.
I also absolutely say it makes sense, the defense mechanisms develop-
And more and more you don’t know who to trust..
However, it starts with learning to trust yourselves again too.
First-a man leads when you dance..and every relationship is a dance-
It sounds misogynistic-but the fact remains that a woman cannot feel secure in a relationship when the man is insecure and refuses to grow together..
Picking the right person matters.
Second-each woman decides IF she lets him lead-just because a man can dance, doesn’t mean she really wants to with him-
I say this specifically leading into a particular point..
I have always resonated with Gomez Addams-plenty of women want to be a Morticia..but Morticia never questions Gomez’ affection.
Trusting oneself is rather important-
You can’t truly trust anyone else until you trust yourself..
And the fact remains..trust is a biological response to knowing someone will not hurt you-
If you don’t trust yourself to pick healthy partners..you can’t trust your partners no matter how healthy they actually are.
wow well said, it happens little by little and then boom a thing we despised has become a „quirk” and talking seriously about it is equal to „jeez don’t be so serious”. oh and on a different note i have to say your posts are silently exuding carries sex and the city blog :P that’s a big compliment !
I don't even have commitment problems so WHY do I feel offended every two sentences???/j
Gosh why are you attacking me. This is so real and you wrote it in a very beautiful way. I love your writings 😭💗
this is actually something i’ve been dealing with lately, since an old friend that parted ways with me in november has now returned to my life. for the past two
weeks i have been fighting the urge to block him, even though he took accountability and apologized, the pain & time of what occurred still stays. i have to continue to fight the urge to run, to be non chalant, to ignore, to focus on myself bc i had finally gotten to a comfortable place and he showed up unexpected. this article came into my orbit at such a perfect time, i was literally on tiktok before this watching the same content mentioned. its so much easier to
shut out the world, and to some its a coping mechanism that they will regret later, me included, but sometimes it can be what we need to heal from what we are running from, so that we are open to the possibility of commitment in the future. this friend, i like him, a lot. he sees me, without even being aware of it. there are pieces of me i am unable to share with anyone else that just clicks with him. but when i like someone, it becomes a part of me. they take up too much space, but i am learning how to sit comfortably in this space with them. thank you for this article 💖
This, so pure, so raw, the truth is so heavy and important!! Loved reading every section, every line!
This hits the spot. I know that I have anxious attachment but I'm working on it. And if I'm being honest I'm not afraid to say that "I am the girl who stays" who wears her heart on her sleeves, who is not afraid to vulnerable, who wants sit with you in the storms and the trenches. When someone means to you a lot it's natural that you do your best to make them stay when they hesitate. These are exact kind of people I've come across who say the exact things and I have no choice but let them do whatever they want. It hurts for sure but you can't force yourself on someone. People say that "I'm too good or too nice" as if it's a flaw and they want to make me like them who doesn't care, who will just reply, who will ghost you but will be around for you to not notice. Thank you for writing this.
Well being in an relationship with emotionally detached people sometimes drains you. Because they don't even consider we are in a relationship. They will be sweet and get all the info bcoz you are test specimen which ignited the curiosity. And when it gets converted into a relationship there comes the pause and your vulnerability will be tested and they drop you dead. I'm not sure if it's a narcissist or emotionally detached. But all we got now are terms to label this emotional tragedy that becomes a life long trauma. Yeah it is what it is. Unless and until they are surrounded by enablers who hype it as a cool one or let it slide, these people exist.
this is beautifully written !!
Girlll, it was amazing😭
For me it was like a conversitaion with a best Friend.
The art of adorning oneself in tragedy without realising that beauty of that art is pain(ted)